Lost and Found
by Thefoolfan
Summary: Castle awaits that Beckett wakes up from the coma but when it happens begin problem that might move them away forever. Sorry for the write error but i'm not english.
1. Chapter 1

Castle and the charachters aren't mine

A rustle as light as a beating of wings of a batterfly, a whispered groan out of her mouth, cries that overlap each other, blood red rain that makes his hand dirty and reddish grass around him. With these images fixed in the mind Richard Castle awoke from troubled sleep that night, for the seventh consecutive. He narrowed his eyes, running a hand trough his hair soaked with sweat while taking deep breaths, trying to calm the anxiety that oppressed his chest, to stop the crazy beats of his heart, repeating the same words again and again, that in those days, were able to give him a little peace.

"The operation went well, you just have to wait until she woke up, the operation went well, you just have to wait until she woke up"

With a decisive gesture Castle drew back the covers and sat on the bed staring at a point in front of him, inaccurately, as his thoughts were all focused on her, her words just before being shot, the moment when their eyes met for a brief but very significant moment. He turned to look at the phone on the bedside table and stretched out his hand to take it but his eyes fall on the alarm clock that marked "3,46 am" and so he stopped. One of the nurses, Sandra, in those days feel so sad for him that one morning had given him her number so that Rick could call her whenever he wanted to know about the conditions of Beckett. Altrough eager to know if there had been some improvement he desist and, getting out of the bed, walked into the bathroom to freshen. Opened the faucet he wait for the water to become cold and, after having filled his hands, he threw it on the face, all just to feel alive. Still better than the metod used the previous night, he thought, whose after-affect were still visible on the mirror in front of him, which had a large hole where his fist had hit it, and more cracks that started all along the lenght of the glass. He look in those fragments and he felt his soul as distorted, incomplete, broken, as that mirror. Castle were aware of how important Beckett was for him, but that situation brought to light many other details that he took well hidden, but now it was decided, he would not lose another chance. He come back in the bedroom and lay on the bed praying that those dreams would stop tormenting him and that his sleep was accompanied only by memories of the moments spent with his muse. Clutching her necklace tightly to his chest he fell asleep.

The next morning began like any other. Castle got out of the bed, went to the bathroom, had breakfast with his mother and daughter, always trying to appear the same as ever, get dress and then headed to the precint. He wanted to continue to maintain the same lifestyle he had before the incident, concentrate on the case helped him to not to think too much about Beckett. Ryan ed Esposito, for their part, were the same as well but could not avoid observing the desk of the woman and feel the emptiness that oppressed them, and the board that Kate used to solve their case against a wall, lay there unused. If someone could write on it that was her, only her. All her things remained intact, no one had moved one thing from his position so that, when she come back, she will found everything the same as she had left.

"Bro. We found Persie, right where i said it, and a team is bringing him here. You want to be there at the "interview"?". Esposito spoken proudly, informing Castle of the new arrest in which he had contributed.

"No thanks. A robbery gone bad does not excite me that much. The usual things. The jeweler refuses to open the safe, the robber gets angry, something goes wrong ant someone die. Everything is already written. I left this very interesting case to you and Ryan". Castle hadn't even turned to talk to him but remained focused on the cup in front of him that slowly was filled with coffee, breathing deeply the strong scent and only once finished he turned to the detective.

"You want to call Sandra, right?". More than a question was a statement by Esposito to whom the writer only nodded as he carried the cup to his mouth, but with his eyes following the other man, that before leaving gave him a simple and obvius request.

"Let us know if there any news"

"Sure"

When he saw him disappear into another room Castle took the phone and pressed the speed dial number and immediately a familiar voice answered from the other side.

"It seemed strange to me that you haven't called me yet?". Sandra spoke with her authoritative voice, but at the same time giving a feeling of peace.

"I was almost willing to do so. At 4 this morning". Said Rick giggling with her, having already estabilished a good relationship.

"If only you had tried i would have told to the security to not let you come near the hospital"

"Let's go. I'm sure you miss my voice"

"We do so now, i put the phone down and we see if i really wanted to hear your voice". This time Sandra spoke with a voice more powerful and Castle had to worry about this. He was afraid of having overacted, but he calmed down when he hear her voice continue to speak amused.

"Either you shut up for a while so i'll tell you what you want to know"

"Closed mouth, promised". Said the writer mimicking the zip on his lips as if the nurse could see him.

"Perfect. I went to check her a couple of hours ago, her conditions is improving slowly but the doctors are almost certain that in any moment she can awaken from the coma. Matter of days they say".

To hear those words he feel lighter. The hope to see her standing in front of him in a short time grew more every day and now these news filled his heart of happiness. For the joy he began to bounce around the room unaware of all eyes that were watching him from outside of the room.

"Rick..Rick..Please listen me". Sandra was trying to call him and raised her voice hoping to have more luck.

"Rick come back and listen to me. NOW"

Hearing that tone of voice more urgent Castle stopped instantly, bringing back the phone to his ear and urging the woman to continue.

"As i said we have to wait that she woke up, but we aren't sure of how she'll be once out of the coma. Is a very traumatic passage, which can leave problems behind"

"What kind of problems?". The happiness he felt a few second before drains from his body, forcing him to sit on the sofa behind him, feeling his legs unstable, already preparing for the worst.

"As you know her heart stopped for a few second, there was an extensive hemorrhage, all things that don't provide the certainty that when Kate's wake will be the same again. She will face many months of rehabilitation, she can no longer do what she did before, she should be careful even to the slightest movement at the beginning and this preclude the possibility of returning to work, at least in the field, and from what i've seen it is her whole life"

"It is. But this not discourage Beckett, she is a strong woman and she will have us at her side. We didn't abandon our family. The important thing is that she recovers."

"For the phisical recovery will take some weeks. Is the mental that concerns over"

"Why do you say so?"

"How do you feel if you know that there is someone out there who wants you dead? That shots you but fails in his duties and therefore must fix it? How would react you to the thought of being alive by a miracle and that the next time you may not be so lucky? The body's wounds heals, the soul not Richard. You have to do much more than be close to her"

Castle said nothing. He let his brain absorb every words, not having thought about all these consequences. Only want the awakening of Kate, he had always thought selfishly. He want her to wake up only for himself, not for her family or friends, only for him. A life without Beckett was just a constant torment.

"Thank you Sandra. Please call me if there are news"

"You know i will Rick. See you soon"

Castle closed the call and sink in the sofa, with his head resting on the back of this and his eyes turned upwards in a silent prayer. He vowed to help her, not to leave her alone as he had always done. He would be at her side, ready to be her support. Always.


	2. Lost

"You have some news?".Said Ryan who was sitting on the table before the writer, eager to get an answer.

"No, we wait, as usual". Castle said simply, resting on the sofa with his arms on his legs, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"And what else?" Pressed Esposito, recognizing from the gesture of the writer that he was hiding something.

"Sandra says that once out of the coma is not that the worst is over. There will be consequences and we are not sure how Beckett would react, if she fight or not". Rick lay back against the couch rubbing his face with both hands, wanting to remove the sudden fatigue that he felt.

"Come on guys, we know that Beckett will come out as she has always done and in less than no time will be back at her desk, ready to give us order." Esposito was standing near the two and was talking with decisive voice, wanting in any ways to infuse at his friends his own confidence.

"And if she prefer to leave because it became too dangerous?" Commented Ryan, not wanting to think about how the precint would be without Beckett, excluding at the same time as the words came from his mouth this absurd possibility.

"Beckett will not let go and that is the problem. Her attacker is still out there and will always be a constant danger. Next time he could..." . Castle whipped by the whole situation rose from the couch and made a strong coffee, very strong, for himself, trying to think about only the positive things of all that story, altrought there was few positive things and it was hard to find it.

"Then we just have one thing to do". Ryan said getting up from and watching the other two who was watching him, curious and waiting for him to finish his speech.

"Let's concentrate on this case and find the sniper before he can strike again".

"Beckett has been investigating for more than 10 years without finding anythings. Even after Coonan, even after Raglan we had not been found anythings." Corrected Esposito wanting to remind all that happened concerning the murder of Johanna.

"It's true but, for this reason, we now have to investigate. After discovering that the murderess was Coonan we found other clues and now, who wanted the murder of Johanna, is risking exposing himself, more and more. We musn't miss this opportunity. Everything that happened has happened because we are close to the truth."

Ryan had never seemed so sure of himself, so much that stunned the other two present in the cafeteria, leaving them visibly surprised. Of the four he was always the quietest, most reserved and no one never thought he could hide so much determination.

"Who would had thought. Our Ryan, when he want, pull out the grit. Okay let's see to make some light on this case while we waiting that Beckett wakes up and has the chance to stop us." Castle said giving a friendly pat on the shoulder of the irishman, and then came out of the room with a new hope. If he want to protect Beckett he had to solve this case as soon as possibile so that no one could ever hurt her.

That evening he came home not tired but bored and for him was the most annoying things. Spend the day at the precint walking between the desk and the cafeteria was not for him. Ryan and Esposito tried to get him in the middle of the robbery investigation, but Castle had refused several time, not finding what happened to his liking, too trivial for a writer of his level, but in reality everyone know that everything would not been interesting for him if it weren't for Beckett to investigate. Just open the front door he headed to the kitchen where he found Alexis busy cooking and study on a textbook at the same time.

"What do you cook?". Asked the man taking off his jacket to put it on one of these stools around the kitchen counter before heading to the fridge, but not before saying hello to his daughter with a kiss on her cheek.

"Chicken wings and salad". She said as she spiced with wine the meat and repeat the last words read on the book, in a low voice, not caring that much of his father who was concentrate in front of the open fridge to observe its contenents.

"Dad don't try to taste the cake. I prepared it for later."

At those words Castle suddenly stopped, having already approached the index finger to the layer of cream that covered the cake, ready to sink in and taste it.

"Do you think i would do such a thing?" Castle withdrew a bottle of water from the fridge and shut it again, then he go sit on one of the stools ready to receive the usual question by Alexis.

"Do you have some news?" She asked hopefully.

"For now nothing. But doctors are optimistic"

"They always said that but nothing has happened yet". Form the voice of the youg girl he could feel all her stress, her frustration, due to the fact that were two days that the doctors would not allow her to see Kate, saying that a girl so young could be shaken at the sight of all those machines. One reason that Alexis hadn't accepted.

"It takes time, honey". Rick just uttered those few words having already used the best pretests in the past days, trying to cheer his daughter.

"I just want Beckett to wake up". Soon after she began to cry and Castle in less than a second had her in his arms, giving all the support she needed, then put his chin on her head and beginning to rock her as he had when she was little.

"You know that Kate will continue to fight?" In response he feel his daughter nodded against his chest.

"And when she wake up she scold us for being so anxiuos for her" He said chuckling, trying somehow to make the situation less tense.

"Will you take me to the hospital with you tomorrow? Please dad i want only say hello". Alexis said sank even more strongly to him. The writer could not help but agree.

"Okay, tomorrow i will speak to the doctors and see if they'll let you enter in her room. But now we eat, i'm hungry"

Martha also joined them shortly after, just returned from a play that she said was beautiful. They talked of this and that wincing with each ring of the phone, hoping and fearing that it was a call from the hospital or from one of the detectives. They finished eating and then sat on the couch watching a movie, routine in these days, waiting for something to happen and finally, while the two women of the house retired for their bedrooms, Castle was in his studio writing, reviving in his words the memory of past moments spent with Beckett.

Another morning began and everything proceeded as usual. Go to the precint, greetings to Ryan ed Esposito, the news about the new captain that within a few weeks would have arrived, the board white as if it was new. Castle sat in his usual place, careful not to move anything on Beckett's desk and began to read all files related to her mother, to Lockwood, and even the last reports about the sniper in the cemetery, looking for that little link that might shed light on that story. He was so intent in reading that he hardly noticed that the phone was vibrating and lighting up in front of him. Castle waited more than a few second before taking it to his ear and talk.

"Hello?" He said casually, without ever taking his eyes from the report on the bullet that stuck Beckett.

"Richard is Sandra" There was something wrong in her voice, was weak, too quiet and calm, This made him fear the worst, he tried to speak but he could not let out the slightest sound from it. The second passed, an endless agonizing seconds before the nurse spoke again.

"Beckett has awakened". Three simple words that were all, that were life for Castle. Without saying anything he put down the phone, took his jacket and headed for the elevator. The only thing he wanted was too see Kate, be there for her, to see with his eyes that she had returned. He called a taxi almost jumping into the street to be sure to being seen and pulling out 100$ from his pocket gave them to the driver asking him to take him to the hospital as soon as possibile.

He passed al the way to beat his feet against the floor mats of the car, rubbing his hands, arranging his hair, all to keep himself busy. He wanted to jump, roll down the window and shout to the world his joy. Beckett was awake. His muse, his life was back and this time, he promised himself, he would anything not to lose her again. No one would have prevented he to stay close to Kate as they really wanted. But the reality was very different from what Castle had hoped. He was almost there, in front of her room, when he feel a hand on his shoulder to stop his advance. He turned and saw him. The biggest obstacle that separated him from Beckett.

"Hi Richard"

"Hi Josh"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hi Richard"

"Hi Josh"

Castle tried to remain unmoved at the sight of him while in his mind he was cursing Josh in any language he know for being there in that moment. Rick had no time to lose because him, Beckett was awake and he had to be near her not there to talk with that motorcycle boy.

"I'm sorry but i have to go to her. I will speak freely with you later". Castle pointed to the door of the room as he spoke and began to turn towards it, using all his willpower to not to run away from Josh ang run in that room, but he had to stop again when the doctor recalled him.

"I believe we should talk instead". Josh's tone left no doubt. Talking was the last things he planned to do at the time and Castle had no way to escape from this torture. Puffing he turned to the doctor not care to hide his discomfort.

"Unless you want to talk about the health of Beckett you and i have nothing to talk about. So tell me how she is so then i can go in person to make certain". The patience of Castle was truly at the limit. He brought his arms to cross the chest and the doctor began to explain. What emerged from the mouth of Josh was not what Castle expected, or at least what he wanted to hear at the time.

"You're not welcome here Richard. Your place isn't there." Josh said simply, mimicking the gesture of the writer, wanting to challange him on the same livel.

"And who decided? You? Or was Beckett to tell you this?". His hands itched like never before and the only reason he hadn't thrown a punch in the face of the man was to avoid the intervention of security and therefore risk to being expelled from the hospital in a bad way and cannot be able to see the detective.

"I decided. Thinking about what was the best for Katie". The battle had begun. Both care of Beckett and neither would have given up so easily. Josh had on his side to be her boyfriend but Castle knew Kate very well, in a way that the doctor could never, even after a millions years.

"you aren't her father. You cannot decide what is or what is not best for her. So stop wasting my time and let me go to Beckett. " Nonsense. Only nonsense coming out from the mouth of Josh and stay there to hear it wasn't worth the effort. Castle tried to walk away but Josh stopped in front of him, blocking him by placing both hands on his shoulder.

"What the hell..". He said to him abruptly, taking away his hands from him.

"I will not be her father but i'm her boyfriend. I worry for her and i don't want anything to happen to her. ". Tempers began to heat up even more and the voices grew more and more louder. The people around watch them but didn't intervene even if more than one nurse were more than ready to stop them if thing had degenerated. TO hear that statement Castle couldn't not hel but laugh as he walked away a few step from Josh.

" You say you care?. You don't want that anything happen to her? So tell me dear doctor where were you when she needed? Where were you when she was sick thinking about her mother?Where were you when they shot her in that damn cemetery?" For every clarificarion Rick hit him harder and harder on the shoulder using his index finger, being now face to face with him.

"I have responsibilities, I have to save lives". Josh spoke trought clenched teeth not dropping his gaze from Castle but keeping his eyes fixed on him.

"Beckett is your responsibility. You weren't around when you had and now you try to find in me the cause. You are wrong. I'm not going to your game. And now step away please.". Castle did to overcome him but Josh was too quick for him and took him by extending his arm and pulled Castle against the wall, making him slam his back against it. Castle cursed by pain when he heard the voice of a nurse.

"I remind you that we are still in a hospital. If you have problems fix it outside the building. Here there are people who are sick and they don't need to hear yours bickering".

Josh loosened his grip on Castle but not broke away from him hadn't finished yet.

"I've been always been around when i could" Josh still pressed on, wanting to prove at all costs that he was a great boyfriend but Castle could see very well that things were different.

"I stand correct. You could be with her only when she allowed it, because when she was hurt you don't have the courage to go there to comfort her. Why don't you see that you aren't capable of this while Beckett understood this. Did she ever talked about Royce with you? And the journey made in Los Angeles to find his murderess? Or did she see you all the reports about the murder of her mother that she keeps hanging on the windows?"

Seeing the surprised face of the doctor and his sudden lack of words Castle knew that he had felt the blow and that he now was in the lead.

"As i thought. You dont' know any of that. Maybe it's time to wonder why". Rick was sure of winning, and on his face had already formed a broad smile of victory. Nothing now could change things. He would go to Beckett, to be near her, and when her wounds had healed he would tell her what kind of jerk was her boyfriend and that was time to leave him for someone better. Him.

But for the third time in a few minutes Josh was able to stop him from his intentions.

"It is so hard to understand that the reason why Katie and i cannot live how we want our story is you?". Now Josh spoke with broken voice. Now in it there was more despair. Castle felt a lump in the throat and he was no longer able to take another step foward. He watched the door of Beckett's room, a few step away, but yet he couldn't move. . He understood what Josh was feeling. Rick was sure that Kate felt something for him, she had made it clear with that kiss, inside the container, in front of the bomb. But suppose it was one thing, hear it another. And what Beckett said was that Josh was her boyfriend, that she wanted give him a chance and so the writer began to wonder if he really hadn't play an important role in their story.

"Beckett has chosen you. If something is not right isn't my fault.". He knew that those words didn't correspond to the truth but he wouldn't admit it, Castle was so afraid that he remained with his back to the other man, not having the courage to look in his face and see his suffering.

"She chose me only because she couldn't have you. But i really love her and if only Katie realized that she is so important to me things would be better. I want her to be happy. That she relies on me, and not on you as she doing. But until you'll be nex to Katie i will never have the opportunity to be the boyfriend i want. I will always compared to you and let's face it, i have no chance of winning". Josh slide along the wall until he found himself sitting on the floor with his head between his knees, looking at his shoes. Castle didn't expect this behavior from him that looked like a superhero, strong and fearless. Never in his life he had taken a decision so difficult. He also wanted the best for Beckett and perhaps Josh could give it to her. He gave one last look at that room, imaginig she pale but alive, smiling to him, her beautiful voice bring him back on earth. As would be nice if only. If only.

"You have your chance Josh. Don't waste it". Rick said passed next to him before going over the elevator, take it and leaving his heart in that corridor.

Outside the hospital he heard a voice call him with increasing insistence.

"Castle. Hey Castle i'm here."


	4. Chapter 4

The writer searched among the people who had called him and then spotted Lanie. When the woman was before Rick he did the best to seem normal, he tried to smile, but in vain.

"What has happened? Kate is ok?" Fearing the worst she put her hand over her mouth and started to shake her head not wanting to think about that eventuality, already feeling the tears forming in her eyes. Castle understood that the coroner had thought the worst seeing her expression, so he immediately went to reassure her.

"Yes Beckett is fin, indeed she is awake". This time he spoke with calm voice, happy to give her the news about her friend, seening her sighning and remove the anxiety that had wrapped her in a fw moments. But nothing could escape to Lanie.

"What happened Castle?". She asked insistently but not out of curiosity but because she sensed that something unpleasant had happened.

"Beckett and I are over". Lanie dragged Castle by the arm until he was seated on a bench next to her and then asked him again.

"Did she tell you?"

"No, she didn't. I spoke to Josh". Castle wanted to take of that weight, to explains his reason to someone and someone as Lanie was perfect. She knew how to listen, but even more she was very good at giving advice.

"He said that i'm between him and Beckett. I'll always be the odd man out and because of me they can never be truly happy. I'm Kate's unrealized dream, but Josh is the reality and it is time for me to go away and so i do. Josh will give her what she wants, not me. I'm too unpredictable, too impulsive, and we all know that she need stability in her life.". How difficult was to say those words. For each of them corresponded a stab in the heart, but deep down he knew that this day would come. He just don't imagine so soon. Lanie took his hand in her and trying to shift his attention on her.

"You know what Kate needs in her life?". Castle replyed no so she continued.

"She needs to live and Josh doesn't make her feel alive. Only you can, and if you leave now everything you have done for her in these 3 years will vanish. It is thaks to you if she has a life outside the precinct. Before, she lived only for the murder of her mother, and you are well aware. Do you know how many times she has come out for a drink with Esposito, Ryan or me, before you arrived? Zero. She was closed in herself, had very few friends. But you, you brought back that girl who was her. Rick don't run away or we lose her again"

Castle smiled sincerely at the effort that her friend was doing to convince him to retrace his steps but he had made a decision, he could have no doubt about it.

"Beckett has all of you, she won't feel my absence, indeed you probably will spend the day plotting behind my back for revenge". Commented the writer trying to get that sense of humor but finding it extremaly difficult at the time. Having nothing else to add he rose from the bench giving a kiss on the cheek of the coroner.

"Thanks for everything. And check her for me". So he began to walk away from the woman who loudly ask him.

"And you'll be ok Castle?" The man didn't stop, not even turned, he raised only the hand in greeting.

"If you don't call me to ask how she is i'll call you"

Castle opted to return home on foot. He didn't care about the distance, he just wanted to be alone with himself and thinking helped him. He had lost Beckett and it hurted, but he had other things to go forward. He had a beautiful daughter, the envy of many parents, a mother quite irritating, but at the same time he would never change her, a great job, thousands fans. What more could he want? The answer was obvious but for his own sake he hid it in the darker recesses of his brain. He began to think about anything else. He thought of how conclude the book, to arrange a tour for the next weeks, to schedule meetings with the publishers. To do everything he could to keep himself busy. He aso thought to return to Los Angeles and followed the shooting of the film. After almost an hour he finally came home and just opened the door he found Alexis clutched in his arms. How to tell her about the decision he had taken.

"You are late. You had to take me to Beckett". Alexis reminded him before take her jacket ready to go, but Castle stopped her immediately.

"Alexis we have to talk". Inviting her to sit on the couch remembered the reaction of Lanie he added.

"Beckett's fine. She woke up". He said watching his daughter who , like him when he learned the same news, began to hop around the room happy.

"perfect. One more reason to go. Come on dad, i'm sure that kate will be glad to see us". Alexis tried to pull him by the arm but the man didn't move, once again feeling sad.

"Sit down Alexis". She only then noticed that something was wrong.

"Dad?"

"For a while it is better that i don't go to visit Beckett. You are free to do it whenever you like, i'll bet even she cannot wait to have your company. As for me i have closed." New tears formed in his eyes at the memor of the decision took for the woman he love. His daughter immediately embraced him not understanding well the words of his father, having no clue about what happened between him and Josh.

"Dad tell me what happened"

"I gave a Josh a change to make Beckett happy. I don't see her again"

"And Kate knows?"

"For now she just need to think to recover. I would only get in the way. Probably even before her wounds are heal i'll drag her in t some dangerous situations dor my only amusement." Castle talked about it not wanting to think about the future. Unable to see a future without Beckett in his life. He remained on the couch hugging Alexis as hard as he could, hiding the pain that tore him.

"She don't like it at all.". Alexis simply said. The confession of her father had left her stunned, she never would have expected this from him, but knowing his father she knew that he had a good reasons and che wuould have accepted, even if it was not so simple.

"She will be so busy that she will have a little time to think about how much she missig a 9 year old boy victim of the effects of sugar". For a second his lips arched in what looked like a smile.

"I'm sorry to contradict you, dad". Enunciated Alexis taking off from his arms and watching him with an expression of reproach.

"more you and Beckett stay away and more you look for each other. Everyone knows that you're meant for each other and yet you don't want to see it"

"It's complicated"

"No. It's actually very simple. It is complicated because you make it. What's hard to confess what you feel for each other?". Alexis was angry, very angry. She had been watching in silence for too long and now she could not stay there too see his father ruining his life with his own hands and do nothing.

"And don't try to answrer me Josh, i'm sorry to say, but this is be the first time i'll slap my father. Nothing has ever stopped you before and now you give up without fighting. Now i go to my room. I'll be back in time for dinner". So Alexis went stamping her feet and slamming the door, leaving a open mouthed Castle on the couch who not recognize his daughter. Everything in that day was falling apart. It lacked only one person to complete the picture.

"Richard Alexander"

Castle opened his eyes, realizing that he had fallen asleep on the couch, watching hir mother walking toward him with threatening pitch.

"What's the story that Alecis told me? You said goodbye to Beckett? I knew that i had raised a child with many problems but i hadn't thought he was so stupid to give up at the best thing that happened in his life" Martha was angry, her face red with anger, her voice strong, serious, authoritative, hands clenching and squeezing gloves to avoid shaking the neck of her son.

"Mom please". Rick got up off the couch and heading away from the woman, he went to the kitchen but she follow him.

"Why did you Rick? Why?". She don't understood. Nobody understood his motives and he was tired of giving explanations.

"What else could i do? Stand there next to her every day, hour after hour, knowing that she will returning home from Josh. To see the smile that forms on her lips or her face light up when Josh call. Stay there to want to take her in my arms but cannot do it because she isn't mine." Castle raised his arms to the sky before desperately ran his fingers through his hair, looking around for something and then he did something he hadn't done for long time. He open one of the doors of the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of whisky starting to drink it straight from the bottle. Sip by sip to feel his throat burning, wanting only erase those memories with more ease.

"Richard this isn't the solution. If only you spoke to her, if you open your heart she would be yours". Martha came to his son, carefully remove the bottle from his hands and placing it on the counter before returning to watch her son who no longer held the tears.

"You believe i didn't think about it? When we were in Los Angeles i was so close". He said starting to not be stable on his own legs not being accustomed to drink with empy stomach.

"I could tell her how much i love her, i could kiss her, icould even maker love to her all night, sure she would have allowed me. But in the end Beckett would hated herself for betraying Josh and i never forgave myself for having made her so sad. And even now if i confessed everything and she broke up with Josh see him with a broken heart will destroy her. So what happened is the vest solution. Everybody wins".

Martha closed her eyes and sighed, patting his son on his right cheek.

"How you're wrong my son. There are no winners, only losers. Both you, Josh and Kate. You have chosen the easy route. You don't have risked and now not only you but other will pay the consequences."

Castle didn't understand the meaning of the words of his mother and didn't know whether to blame alcohol or himself. But it was the same Martha who, seeing the doubt in the eyes of his son, clarify her thinking.

"Kate will stay with a man that she doesn't love, to strive to be happy with him when she isn't.. Josh will be with a woman who doesn't return his love, vainly hoping that she forget you, fighting every day with your memory. And the you, you will have to live with the knowledge that you have fought for insignificant things in your life and you haven't pulled out the nails for the most important. If you are unhappy is all your fault"

Martha wasn't happy to say those words to her son but there was no other way. Telling him that he had made the right choice would have been just a big mistake. Richard had to understand his error. He still didn't know that the fate still had some surprises for him, hoping that the next time Rick didn't fail.


End file.
